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Monday, October 16, 2017

Nigel Hayes is walking a fine line in the NBA-Tune into our radio broadcast link



Controversy in expressing one's opinion as a professional athlete and maintaining your position in the sports arena.  Nigel Hayes may have to pay a pre emptive price.  Marshawn Lynch and Colin Kapernick did.  Tune in.



http://www.blogtalkradio.com/tabernaclefaith/2017/10/16/on-the-verge-of-modern-day-lynching-of-nigelhayes-waived-by-nba

Saturday, October 14, 2017

The conditional truth









I have lived a full life and have much to be grateful.   In recent years, I have learned more about myself and my shortcomings thru a 12 step program.  It is not right to lash out at ppl even if you are mad at them.  I do not resent Ernest but I do think he never admits he is wrong, never attempts to repair broken relationships.  I am not talking about myself.  I am talking about others he has burned and just let people go without looking back twice.   I keep unique, talented people in my life like Brandy.  She was a talented radio host out of Michigan who he just walked away from.  It is not my job to worry about people.  I am not even so concerned that he betrayed my trust twice.  I do think people have to have a certain kind of secure upbringing to not even want to burn bridges with people.  The best thing to do is to walk away.  If a person cannot value you or vice versa., it is better to walk.  I do believe that many people I know have false truths they hold onto.  I know one atheist who would not even vote in the church polling place and asked for curbside voting.  She firmly believed in separation of church and state but fundamentally, she hated the Christian religion.  I would not go that far to inconvenience myself.  A voting poll place in a church does not influence who I planned to vote for.  With that, I have to end this blog early, I have a sore throat tonight.






Saturday, October 7, 2017

My Hollywood Connections

I did not want all this experience I had in Hollywood to eventually disappear off the Duluth Reader Weekly page so I am re posting it here.  I may have done so in the past but now it's fresh.  Welcome to my former glam life.  For more of my articles, tune into www.duluthreader.com under Jane Hoffman




Moving from Hollywood to Duluth, Minnesota 


by Jane Hoffman




The scrub brush of the Los Angeles Griffith Park cast a fractured shadow from the blazing sun on the Observatory Trail, closest to a vista view.  In the largest municipal park in the U.S, sunlight and dryness contrasted deeply in my soul, far from the fresh, green lawns of White Bear Lake.  Age twenty-seven, a Midwest transplant, I grasped the vastness on that hill, the low lying Santa Monica mountains that did not tower like the majestic San Gabriel range ten miles east.    Rising geographical terrain gives one a viewpoint but not a reason for transplanting to a 25 million populated metropolis.  I put into effect my past skills.  Clinging to a past identity as a long distance running star would get me through the next four years.  Finding a parking spot in Los Feliz where I lived was often a twenty minute ordeal.  The pink mansion one block away across Franklin gave me a hint of income lines.  Mary Wilson, a former Supreme, lived there and one day, I may cross the line from Harvard to Franklin into Brad & Angelina Jolie-Pitt’s future neighborhood.

I joined a Baptist church where my sister worshipped.  A Southern Baptist church in West Hollywood was a contrast in itself.  It was the largest concentration of the gay population in the U.S. and my pastor was a conservative, believing being gay was a sinful choice.  However, the church was a celebrity magnet.  My pastor’s wife was a distant cousin of Alice Cooper, Sally Struthers had visited, Faith Ford attended my church as well as Richard Karn.  Sugar Ray Leonard saw my Easter play I mounted for the pastor.  The church was a spiritual nucleus that strangely enough gave me comfort and would launch my playwriting career.  Larry Welch, a go-getter in the church with an MFA in theatre decided to open a theatre company.  I had coincidentally written a play, in the same year Dances with Wolves would create a big hit.  I had no idea my Native American play would co-opt the success of Kevin Costner’s movie.  I later saw Kevin Costner in the El Adobe restaurant across from Paramount Studies.  I told him in the middle of his dinner, “Your choice in subject matter led me to success.”  He asked me the name of the play and I told him I would send the script.   Larry produced my play “Father, Save Your Skin” for a ten week run.  It went to the American Indian Film Festival in 1990 at the Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco then produced for cable television.  Amidst this unintended success, I logged mentally the chronology of my Hollywood acquaintances.


My friend, De De West, was a longtime companion of Allan Nixon, who was a one hit wonder in the movie Prehistoric Women.  He was married to Marie Wilson, another Hollywood starlit whose house burned in a fire and nearly her with it.  Later, Marie died of cancer at age 56.  Allan later became a great writer whose best novel was “The Last of Vicki.”   I would sit with him in his garage and he would show me past manuscripts.  One time, he tried to look younger.  He died his hair blonde and it turned out green.  He was recruited over the age of 70 by Mary Beal, a writing agent in Hollywood, after attending a screenwriting workshop in our church.   The same night, Allan and Bill Dekle, another actor, were held at gunpoint outside the church, forced to empty their wallets.   Errol Flynn’s wife would call the American Red Cross where I worked to talk to De De.  Nellie Olson from Little House on the Prairie came to our church in 1988 to talk about HIV/Aids because her television husband died of the disease.   I met Bruce Dern and Lauren Bacall at Spagos, one of the most famous West Hollywood venues.

It wasn’t until I became a director of a play that I saw the underside of fame.  My close friend and feature lead of my play, Joseph Runningfox, had starred as the lead role in two movies “Geronimo” and “Lakota Woman: Siege at Wounded Knee”” in which he played Leonard Crow Dog.  He also appeared in Ishi: The Last of his Tribe in which has recruited off a baseball field at Brigham Young University for the role.  He was a complicated person that spoke of the modern world and what he liked versus the natural world, the identity to which he clung coming from the Pueblo tribe of Santa Fe, New Mexico.  He had a drinking problem.  One night he fought with the theatrical director of our company and he left the show and drove forty miles north of the city the day before opening night.  I had to chase him in the high hills of San Fernando and never did find him.  Later, he was replaced by Darrell Redleaf (Fielder) who became a famous Hollywood hair stylist on the Style Channel.  Joe and I stayed friends for over twenty years.  At the height of his drug and alcohol abuse, I used to bring him Whoppers from Burger King to his cocaine haven, the La Pasada motel on Saticoy and Sepulveda in a seedy part of the San Fernando Valley.  He once slept on the floor in my rented house.  He made a slight comeback in some plays and movies.  He played bit roles in tv shows like “A Thief of Time” and “Sons of Anarchy.”  He later found sobriety but not until paranoia and fear almost took over.  He feared the press even when he was not a target of the paparazzi.  He thought his phone calls might be tapped and feared the press scanned his Facebook wall.  I befriended the mother of his chld who was serious with Andrew Morton, the inflated biographer of famous people from England.
I guess the strangest connection to my Hollywood exposure was with my Pastor, Milo Ken Anderson.  He had officiated at my young daughter’s funeral in 1992 in Stoughton, Wisconsin.  After relocating to California like me in about 1999, his son died suddenly from a heart attack at age 27.  His daughter, Rachael Anderson, was only 18 when her brother died.  Her brother, Kevin, had many friends attend his funeral.  Since he was a film editor, there were some Hollywood prototypes in the crowd.  Strangely enough, Angelina Jolie’s brother, James Haven, fell in love with the 18 year old Rachael at that day of mourning.  They tailspinned into a five year romance and he proposed to her at the five year mark.  Then he got cold feet.  I resented him distantly for building up and crumbling the world of a young girl. She was too young to be wielded into the world of fame only to be crushed by his indecision.  He ended up trying to hang onto her after she dumped him.  I had two degrees of separation from Angelina Jolie.  My pastor got to go to her house for Thanksgving and meet Jon Voight for dinner a few times, counseling him on his relationship with Angelina Jolie.
Beyond my up close experiences with celebrities, I realize success may bring them comfort but not peace of mind.  I later had religious battles with Darrell Redleaf about Christianity.  He insisted I watch Zeitgeist on Good Friday and I told him I refused to do so.  I lost one of my Hollywood connections over religious conflict.  No one was trying to save eachother but he was definitely anti-Christian.  I wasn’t going to sacrifice my religious beliefs for a Hollywood contact.
Now, I am away from the Hollywood scrub brush, the Co2 toxic traffic, the perpetual sunlight and an occasional recognizable famous face.  I am on the down low in the Midwest with no claims to fame.  Just some gravitational memories.  I drew the same conclusions of Hollywood my parents generation would have.  De De West and Allan Nixon of Hollywood’s Golden Age were the real deal.  She would wear classic red lipstick, pull her hair back, had penetrating eyes and smoked with a fancy extension on  her cigarettes, drank cocktails at night and ate at the Silver Spoon on Santa Monica Boulevard every night.  She knew her place in Hollywood and didn’t lose her sense of her earned right to be there, stemming back to the hey day of the Fomosa CafĂ© partying aura.  They grasped their Hollywood legacy while still living it.  The modern age actors got fame in the same back handed way as me but never found their direction.


1996

Yes, I live your near your father but I have not seen him in over a year.
My schedule really does not permit it, to go to the absolute other side of town.
I wish it could.
He was nice to me and forgot the past.
He didn't trade me for poser Bible thumper.
Whatever is in the past, is in the past.
If we had stayed together, I would have never had another child.
I am sure you still think about how I dragged you into court, jacked your car (my car) that you left the title in, etc.
We both did not live up to our ideals.
Gambling at that time was not a vice, it was a distraction.
You were controlling.  You wanted me to dump certain friends.
You never met my most quality friends.
I went to 12 weeks of Catholic instruction in subzero temperatures on foot and on ice.
Not one woman could ever live up to your standards.
I am glad you accepted the mortal condition and met someone who met your general standards.  You recognized the need for companionship.


Even if we loved eachother, we could have been destined for each other but the emotions always ran high and I always had an inkling to escape.  Everything was an Italian job.  You doubted everyone.  In the end, you could not fully trust or love.  Each act of independence was an act of betrayal.

I loved you but love was not enough.

Friday, October 6, 2017

Putting the finger back in the socket

Why I can't buy Ernest Sewell's book.... #GreatestHits .....

When being charitable backfires....over and over again....

I have to put this out there.  For me, this is my way of making resolution.  In cyberspace, things can be documented.  Most of my friendship with Ernest Sewell, I treated him very well.  

I tried to help him out when he was living in the St. Moritz on Sunset Boulevard.  I orchestrated a move so he had a free place to stay for 60 days when my twin sister got married in 1990.  He was able to stay on Normandie Avenue for free.  I flew him up to help me with a theater production in 1993 and we went to Glam Slam.  My mother mailed him Prince articles.


Around 1997 or 1998, he had Marguerite and I on his open cyberspace hit list for "dissing" him.  Because I helped Marguerite deliver a court date to him (and possibly a judgment) at the Mall of America, I became the frenemy.  It wasn't the fact that he rang her phone bill up $1100 and moved out while she was at a wedding in Kentucky, it was our fault for dissing him.


Our friendship dissolved for around 5-7 years.  I can't really remember now.  I talked to him briefly in around 2000 or 2001 and then he dissed me again by sending my boss a hateful letter at an office supply company I worked for.  I don't even think I did anything to solicit that, it was him doing what he did for a long time-  non graceful debt collecting - trying to punish old friends for what his parents never gave him.  


I was a good, generous friend.  He turned his back on me again after I bought him and his roommate Janet Jackson tickets in 2011.  Later, when we had another gentle falling out--the friendship unequivocally faded from numerous disagreements and him treating me badly during a rough time....He tried to mock me on social media again saying how much his roommate hated me and laughed when I left the airport in Albany.  I never wanted to take Brian to Janet Jackson but because of Ernest's desire to include  him in his March birthday plans (they share the same birthday week) - he desperately tried to break Brian out of his I dream of Jeannie alcoholic Bubble to go to the big Apple, he somehow convinced Brian to do so.  I could have easily afforded a rental car as I had $40K plus in the bank in 2011. 

I put up with his excessive sarcasm and put downs because there was a good side to him - funny, entertaining and obsessed with certain celebrities which sort of translated into Hollywood dreams.  We held that in common as we actually met in Hollywood and he was a part of my acting/writing/directing community at the time.


Eventually, everyone has to pay a price with Ernest just for trying to be his friend.  Telling the truth, trying to be honest in a relationship is ultimately a big act of betrayal to Ernest.  I remember when I left Albany in March, 2011 toward the end of the month, I emailed Brian about a week later saying he should not enable Ernest to not work by coddling him.  He should give a time-frame to find work like 60-90 days.  No, I wasn't trying to bad mouth Ernest, I was trying to help his roommate brainstorm so Ernest could eventually find economic independence and get back in the swing of life.  He hacked Brian's email account through some Apple device out of paranoia and confronted me on why I was talking to Brian about his unemployment status.  I told him the truth gently and he sort of seemed to understand but must of had some predestined guilt about it.  In the end, working never happened.  In the last 12 years, he temped at Brian's job once for about 6 weeks.  I attribute this to an emotional hardship.  Ernest has never in his life gotten over his parent's divorce and possible molestation by his father or another relative.  Brian footed the bill for over 15, probably 20 years now and Ernest became a federal claim on his tax deduction each year.


Loyalty is a two way street and I no longer feel loyal.  He dissed Billy, Dawn, Chris, Brandy and others and I seemed to inherit some of his broken friendships.  I don't have time to get into it all but I was the heroine of second chances.  I gave him many 2nd, 3rd and 4th chances even though in the back of my mind, I never fully trusted him after his first stunt in Minneapolis, living with Marguerite.


Why is it important now?  Part of me would like to buy his book and find resolution.  Perhaps there is a confession in there as to why he felt he continually had to burn bridges, cut people off, do them in.  If I bought his book, he would make it public on social media that I bought it, ostracize me, try and make me feel bad and mock me.


It is not worth the risk.


I also don't want to read the litany of sexually immoral chapter about his homosexual quests.  He was a victim of sexual molestation and even if that is not the only reason he became gay, it is central to his betrayal of true Christian values.  He has spent endless hours on social media promoting the idea that the Bible does not reject homosexuality when it it clearly and emphatically does.


The other lie is that even though he loved his mother from the bottom of his heart, she pushed him away at 18 and never looked after him.  She never provided a life insurance for him or his brother.  She was self centered and put her male relationships first.  She forced him to become an adult before he was ready and gave him no chance to regroup.  His dad at least let him live there awhile when he got back from Cali in 1990.


I feel he has tried in the last 5 years to improve his skills and talents.  He is a good cook, probably a good writer, and used to be a good radio host.  I don't think he has any idea of what it means to be a friend - especially to Brian.  A true person would at least try to find a job and if they were mentally unable to, would apply for state sponsored disability.  I don't consider a cooking show on YouTube an honest career move. 


There are parts of me that are resentful but my friendship and dissolution of Ernest will never be resolved because of his defensiveness, cruelty and self righteous hatred.  He is someone to be put aside and buried.  I can defer to my higher power in the forgiveness realm.  I was reminded of him this month because he released his auto-biographical book.  I hope it contains truthful revelations and not a score keeping anthology on who dissed him.


Equally, the jury is not out on how harsh this blog may seem but it is where I am at.


Wednesday, September 20, 2017


http://www.blogtalkradio.com/tabernaclefaith/2017/09/19/how-the-mormon-church-is-cultivating-black-leadership-in-utah


I am posting a blog tomorrow about family reconciliation.

I have been busy with my two jobs, and getting back into the Fall swing.

I work in an elementary school and also have a night job.

Please listen to our episode about on Christian doctrine, Mormonism, Mormon perspectives on the lost tribe of Israel, the origins of Mormonism, divisiveness in Protestant sects and more.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Question

Was Ernest frustrated with himself in the video below?  

I don't feel Ernest has been fully honest with himself.  He decided a long time ago, he would no longer work.  He refused to apply for disability.  He currently thinks he is a celebrity and people are chomping on the bit to buy his book.  Even if 20 people buy his book, it won't make him a celebrity.  He has burned every friendship except for 2.  I have given him many chances in life and I have my own chapter that I will complete when I am done with my screenplay in September. 


It is not about harshly criticizing someone.  It is about coming to terms with people and accepting their weaknesses.  


Ringing up a phone bill for $1,100 as he did is not okay.  I have confronted him with this and I have forgiven him.  However, he did burn my friend, Marguerite.  He never apologized, even when I confronted him once on the radio.


My shortcomings was the second reason our friendship dissolved.  He could not accept my gambling addiction and somehow, interloped Brian into the situation.  He cannot live without Brian's sustenance and approval.  I am not friends with Brian.  He is just someone I knew through Ernest.


I hope Ernest finds peace of mind.  I could not find peace of mind unless I am working.  He has never taken responsibility for his life.


Was Ernest frustrated with himself in the video below?  


Answer....

________________________-  I don't know

The video below may provide the answer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtaAb4J1Fis&list=UUIRSCh5NetIaI2lvWiwKU4Q&index=29